Bullying
Are you being bullied? Tell us about your experience by
completing our
bullying questionnaire.
Bullying can affect anyone at any time in their lives. It may be
at school, at college, in the workplace or even at home. Read the
information below to find out more and if you feel you need to talk
to somebody, check out the links at the bottom of the
page.
What is bullying?
Unfortunately bullying goes on all the time. It is usually seen
in schools but bullying can take on many different forms and may
affect you at college, work or even at home.
It's a sad fact of life that some people have problems of their
own and decide to take it out on others through bullying. There are
loads of different types of bullying, such as:
-
name-calling;
-
getting you into trouble;
-
hitting;
-
stealing;
-
damaging your belongings;
-
spreading rumours about you;
-
threatening you.
If somebody bullies you, try to stay calm and be confident. Be
firm with the bully - look them in the eye and tell them to stop.
Get away from the situation as quickly as you can.
You should tell somebody straight away if you are being bullied.
Talk to a parent or a teacher. If you are worried about telling a
teacher, get a friend to approach the teacher with you. If you feel
you are not being heard keep telling people.
When telling somebody about the bullying be sure to let them
know:
back to top
Why am I being bullied?
There is no particular type of person that gets bullied, it can
happen to all types of people. A bully needs somebody to pick on
and it may be that you were unlucky enough to be in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
People who get bullied can be shy, intelligent, sensitive or
gentle. A bully will sometimes pick on a person because they are
nice and friendly – the bully can be sure that this person won't
fight back.
Remember that it is the bully who is the problem and telling
someone about what is happening will help.There are ways that you
can toughen yourself up and be more assertive.
- Learn to say no – you always have the right to say no. Hold
your head high and keep eye contact with the person you are talking
to – your body language will show that you are serious.
- Stand up for yourself – it can be difficult to answer someone
who is picking on you. Practising some calm responses can
help.
- Do not become aggressive yourself - being assertive means
that you stand your ground but you do not hurt or upset anyone
else.
If you have trouble being assertive or it doesn't work, then you
should tell somebody about the bullying.
back to top
Why should I tell someone?
The most important guideline for people who are being bullied
is: tell someone. You should tell somebody
straight away if you are being picked on.
If nobody knows about it, the bully can carry on without
worrying about getting caught or getting into trouble. Bullies will
want you to think that grassing them up is a bad thing to do and
that you are a wimp or a tell-tale. They only say this to protect
themselves.
By telling somebody about the bullying you will be taking the
first step to stop the bully. You will also be able to get your
feelings off your chest. Sharing a problem is a great way to begin
to solve it.
back to top
Who should I tell?
Talk to a parent, a teacher, a youth worker or somebody at work.
If you are worried about telling this person, get a friend or
family member to approach them with you.
If the person you have told seems unable to help you, tell
somebody else who may understand your problem and be able to help.
You could also call a helpline.
If you feel you are not being heard, keep telling people.
What to tell them...
When telling somebody about the bullying be sure to let them
know:
Ask the person you have told to talk about how the bullying can
be stopped. Let them know if you are worried that the bully may
find out that you have grassed them up. You may feel as though you
can handle the bullying on your own. This might work but if the
troubles continue, tell someone as soon as you can. The longer
bullying goes on, the harder it will be to stop it.
back to top
What to do if
you’ve seen someone being bullied
If you've seen someone being bullied, don’t ignore it. How would
you feel if you were being bullied and nobody helped? You must tell
someone. It’s not a good idea to get involved yourself, as that
could make you a target in the future. And don’t join in with the
bully because you feel you have to. If you join in you’re just
being weak.
When the bully has gone, try and help the person that was being
bullied. Check they are OK and encourage them to talk to an
adult about it.
back to top
Tips to help you deal with bullying – how to stop it
- Don’t ignore it – bullying won’t go away and it could get
worse.
- Once again, tell someone you trust – this could be a friend, a
teacher or your parents. They won’t blame you and they will be able
to help. This isn’t snitching. You’ll feel a lot better if you tell
someone what’s going on – you won’t feel like you’re on your own.
If you find it difficult to talk about it, you could try writing it
down and giving the note to someone you trust.
- It’s not your fault – nobody deserves to be bullied. You are
not the problem, the bully is.
- Make a diary – write down what’s happened and how you feel. It
can be hard to remember things, so it’s a good idea to keep a
record of what happened, when and where.
- Keep evidence – keep nasty emails and text messages.
- Stay in a group – don’t go anywhere by yourself, bullies will
be less likely to approach you if you’re with a group of
friends.
- Avoidance – try to avoid places where you know the bullies will
be. It doesn’t seem fair that you have to do this but it’s a good
way to get away from the bullying.
- Defend yourself but don’t fight back – you could get into
trouble and you could get hurt. It might make the situation
worse.
- Be strong - try to act confident even if you don’t feel it.
Bullies take advantage of weaker people. If you seem like you’re
confident and in control, they will feel less confident.
- Stand tall – standing upright will make you feel bigger and
more confident.
- Sometimes asking the bully to repeat what they said can put
them off – bullies are often not brave enough to repeat the remark
exactly so they tone it down a bit. If they repeat it you will have
made them do something they hadn’t planned on doing, which gives
you some control of the situation.
- Tell the bully to stop – practise what you’re going to say so
that you can tell them clearly and firmly "stop" or "don’t do
that". This will make you sound more confident and more of a
threat.
- Calmly walk away – showing that you’re not just going to stand
there and take it shows that you’re not an easy target.
- Don’t panic – try not to let them see that they’re having an
affect on you. Don’t get angry or upset.
- Make new friends – making new friends will give you confidence
and make you feel better about yourself.
- Get involved in activities - this will keep you busy and
introduce you to people who share similar interests. Self-defence
or martial arts classes may be a good idea. This is not so that you
can attack people but so that you are able to defend yourself if
people attack you. This could increase your confidence if you know
you are capable of standing up for yourself.
back to top
Violence
Some bullying cases are more serious. Bullies may threaten to
hurt you or you may find yourself bullied by a gang. This can be
very frightening. Here is some advice to get you through a
situation where someone is hurting you.
- Keep calm.
- Shout out for help so that anyone nearby will know there’s a
problem.
- Don’t fight back – it may make the problem worse for you next
time.
- Try to talk to yourself in your head to separate yourself from
the situation. Remind yourself that this situation won’t last
forever. No matter what, the pain will stop. This sounds strange
but if you focus on the fact that it will end, you’ll be able to
get through it more easily.
- Nobody has a right to do this to you. Keep reminding yourself
that it’s not your fault and tell yourself that you will get help
to try to stop this from happening again.
- When the situation has calmed down and they have finished
hurting you, tell someone what happened – don’t suffer on your
own.
- If you are being hurt by bullies it may seem like a good idea
to carry a weapon with you. Don’t. It will get you
in trouble and the bullies may be able to turn the situation around
to say that they were defending themselves against you and the
weapon you were carrying. This could mean that the bullies get away
with their behaviour. Also, If they have a weapon they’re less
likely to use it if you don’t have one.
back to
top
What if I'm a bully?
Most people have bullied someone else at some time, whether they
really meant to or not. Usually people feel sorry or bad about the
way they have treated that person but if bullying somebody doesn't
make you guilty or sad, you need to think about your
actions.
You may think bullying gets you respect or makes you look hard
but people who are bullied don't respect the person harming them,
they just feel afraid of them.
Being a bully will not win you any real friends
If you want to be liked for who you really are, you should try
to change your behaviour towards other people.
People become bullies for many different reasons. A good way to
stop is to work out why you have become a bully. Asking yourself
the following questions may help:
-
Do you mean to hurt other people?
-
Do you bully people without realising?
-
Is something making you miserable?
-
Are you being bullied by somebody yourself?
-
Do you feel lonely or left out?
-
Do you like showing off in front of people?
Once you’ve worked out why you are a bully, you can begin to
change your ways and make a new start. You could do some of the
following things:
- Say sorry to the people you have upset or harmed – they may
take time to come around but eventually you will be trusted and can
begin to make real friendships.
- Get a new hobby or take up a sport – sports are a good way to
be competitive and get rid of aggression without upsetting anyone.
Starting a new interest will give you a chance to make a new start
with people who don't know about your bullying.
- Tell yourself you are a good person – by trying to stop your
bullying, you are proving to yourself that you really are a good
person. Don't forget this.
- Talk to somebody about your behaviour - you could have a chat
with a friend, someone from your family, a teacher, a free
counselling service or a helpline.
Realising you might be a bully is a great way to begin to
change.
back to top
Abuse by text message
Text messaging is the easy way to talk to your friends, enter
competitions, get updates on news or sport and even ask someone
out. It is also an easy way for people to insult, harass or abuse
people, should they wish to.
The nature of texting means that there is no face to face
confrontation. You may find people texting things they would not
dare say to your face. It is helpful to remember that people who
send horrible text messages are being cowardly. As in all types of
bullying, it is the bully who has the problem.
The law suggests that sending an abusive Short Message Service
(SMS) text is serious. Text messages can now be used as evidence by
the police to prove harassment has taken place.
Getting an abusive text message can be upsetting. So what should
you do if you get one?
-
Don't reply to the message.
-
Don't delete the message.
-
Report the message to the police or to your mobile phone
company.
Going to the police over an SMS may seem a bit excessive but
really it isn't. The police are very aware of this type of crime
and will be very happy to help you with your problem. Your mobile
phone company will also be able to help and may be able to give you
a new number free of charge.
If the texts keep arriving in your in box, there are some ways
in which you can deter the sender:
-
consider using a land-line phone for a while - if you don't have
your mobile on you, the text-sender might get frustrated and give
up;
-
change your phone, network or number or get a second phone;
-
only give your number out to a few people and make sure they
keep the number to themselves. Keep a record of who you have given
the number to (or phoned, since your number could get stored in the
receiver's phone) – if you get more abusive texts you can tell who
may have sent it.
back to
top
Useful links and helplines