Friendship
At some point or
other, everyone worries about making friends.
When you think you do not have any mates you can feel very
lonely and it sometimes feels as if you will always be on your own.
But feeling sad and lonely isn't going to solve the problem. There
are many ways in which you can interact with people and start
making friends.
Where do I find
friends?
By showing an interest in other people you will be more
approachable – people will want to talk to you.
Being friendly, smiling and showing a genuine interest in other
people is a great way to start making friends. Talking to people
you do not usually talk to will also help, as you may find you have
something in common. Remember that you are probably not the only
one who feels lonely – if you don't talk to people they might be
feeling just like you or think that you do not like them. Don't
rush it. Making friends takes time, so take things slowly and don't
expect too much from your new mate straight away.
A good way to make friends is to get yourself involved in a club
of some kind. It is often easier to break the ice with people and
begin to make friends if you have something to do (other than just
chat) and if the person or people share the same interests.
Some examples of places where friends can be made are listed
below:
-
your local youth club;
-
a school club;
-
a sporting club.
WARNING! If you find a friend through a chat room on the
internet you should be careful before meeting up with them. Before
you do anything you should read our guide to chatrooms below, or check out
the Think U Know web site http://www.thinkuknow.co.uk
back to top
Friendships with the
opposite sex
Some people will tell you that boys can't be good mates with
girls (and vice versa) without something more passionate happening.
It’s not true!
For some the idea of a mixed sex friendship is weird, but that's
probably because they've never had one before.
Being mates with someone of the opposite sex can be great. You
can talk without all the competitive edge that you sometimes have
with other mates.
Just like a friendship with someone of the same sex, there are
rules you need to follow to make sure the friendship stays on the
right track.The first thing you to need to be sure of is exactly
what you and your mate want out of a relationship. You may be
really happy that you have a good friend without realising they
want something more. The key to any relationship, whether a simple
friendship or a love affair, is communication. So make sure you
tell each other how you are feeling.
If you want something more from the friendship - be honest about
it – if it doesn't work out the way you want you might still be
able to stay friends.
If a night out gets heavy, you might turn laughs into
lust.
It's not unusual for mates of the opposite sex to accidentally
snog in the heat of the moment. If your friendship is strong you
will probably be able to laugh about this kind of thing the day
after. Make sure you are honest about what happened and you can
carry on with your friendship without loads of hidden feelings
getting in the way.
back to top
Maintaining
friendships
Some friendships just happily trundle along but sometimes you
will have to work harder to keep your friends sweet. Just like your
relationship with a girlfriend/boyfriend you have to work at the
relationship, OK so you won't be snogging them or going out on
quiet dates, but there are many similarities!
Some of the things you can do to be a great friend include:
Show an interest in your friend's life – listen to them and be
there for them – that's what you’d expect from them so make sure
you do the same.
Be honest and open – if you have a problem with something they
have done then discuss it – if you ignore these little problems
they might end up in a shouting match!
Trust them – if they are a true friend they will trust you and
be loyal – it works both ways.
Tell them you appreciate them – a little reminder every now and
then will let them know what a great friend you are!
Don't abandon them – people often forget their mates when
romance blossoms – remember that it will be your friend you run
back to if things go wrong – so keep them on your side.
If your friend forgets you because they've found true love, let
them know how you are feeling, they might not realise how they are
acting.
As people grow older their circle of friends often grows bigger
– this can cause jealousy between old friends if not dealt with
correctly. If you have new friends that your mate doesn't know try
to consider how they will be feeling – do your best to get them
involved or tell them about these new people.
If things go from bad to worse between your friend and you, it
might be time to move on.
If you feel left out or they have dumped you for other mates
then talk to them and tell them how you feel – you might not hear
what you want to but at least you know where you stand and can make
a clean break.
back to top
Different
friends for different things
Whether you have a large circle of friends or just one or two,
you may do different things with different mates.
Some of your friends may like sports, some prefer TV,
shopping... whatever it is, there is nothing wrong with having
different friends for different parts of your life.
Rating your friends as a 'best mate' is something that will be
less important as you grow older. You might come to realise that it
doesn't matter who your best friend in the world is, you can have
lots of mates and that's the end of it.
So you may already have different friends for different things,
but what if you don't?
Having a circle of friends can be great, you all share the same
jokes and know each other really well, but being a people person
will help to keep your options open. Socialising with people
outside of your group of mates will keep your life lively and offer
you more opportunities to do different things. It doesn't mean you
have to sack your old friends.
If you have an interest that your friends don’t share, get into
it on your own, you will meet people along the way. You might be
the only one who likes to play football. If so, get involved in a
local football team and you will soon make friends who will share
your desire to play.
Remember that you can never have too many friends. As long as
you treat your mates as you should there is no reason why they will
mind your new found social skills.
back to top
Leaving friends and
getting new ones
Friendships can be very special, having somebody you can trust
and share things with is great, but sometimes things can go
wrong.
It is very common for friends to fall out or outgrow each other.
You may begin to have different interests or feel that your friend
has changed.Leaving your friendship behind can be difficult. OK, so
you may actually want to move away from this person, but it will
still be tough for both of you. Firstly you will be used to having
them around and secondly, you will have to go out and find new
people to befriend.
If you truly decide that the friendship is over, you may want a
nice clean break, but chances are things will get a bit sticky. You
might end up disliking, even hating your old best mate. Such
feelings might get you angry, annoyed or even a bit miffed that
something so good can turn sour. These things sometimes happen, so
try not to let it get you down. Remind yourself that the friendship
obviously wasn’t meant to be and get on with your life, there’s
always a new friend waiting around the corner.
The end of a friendship isn't always like a celebrity divorce.
You may find you just drift apart but are still quite happy to see
one another. If this is the case, then why not try to keep in
touch? There may be a time when you want to catch up and see what
turns each other's lives have taken.
If you find yourself all alone now that your friendship is over,
do not despair. There are many ways to gain new friends – go back
to the where do I
find friends? section.
back to top
Chat
rooms
A chat room can be a great way to interact with people who share
the same interests as you, joining a chat room can be great
fun.
By chatting through your computer you can say things you would
not normally say when speaking with somebody face to face. But
remember! It is another person you are chatting with and they may
be offended or feel uncomfortable if you use the wrong words.
Similarly if you are offended, remember you can leave at any
moment, don't let anyone bug you. If you feel uncomfortable or are
hurt by chat room words, talk to somebody face to face about the
incident.
There is a big difference between chat rooms and talking
normally with your friends: A chat room may include people you do
not know.
There are a number of guidelines you can follow to keep
safe:
-
be careful who you trust online and remember that online friends
are really strangers. People online, no matter how long you have
been talking to them or how friendly they are, may not be who they
say they are;
-
meeting someone you have only been in touch with online can be
dangerous. If you feel that you ‘have to’ meet, then for your own
safety you must tell your parent or carer and take them with you –
at least on the first visit – and meet in a public place in
daytime;
-
stay in charge in chat. Keep your personal information secret
when chatting online (name, address, telephone number, mobile
number, private email address, picture), even if people ask for
this. Although It can be tempting to reveal more than you normally
would in online friendships, giving out personal information can
make you vulnerable;
-
check your profile and make sure it doesn’t include any personal
information (name, address, telephone number, mobile number,
private email address, picture);
-
get away from an unpleasant situation in a chatroom by logging
out (this just takes one click) or by changing your screen
name;
-
think before you answer private messages. It can be harder to
end a conversation in a private chat than in a public chat. A
private chat may end up being more personal than you like;
-
use a nickname, not your real name, and a nickname that is not
going to attract the wrong type of attention;
-
look out for your friends and do something if you think that
they are at risk;
-
tell your parent or carer if someone or something makes you feel
uncomfortable or worried;
-
learn how to keep/save a copy of the conversation in chat – this
may be useful if you want to report something;
-
learn how to block/ignore people;
-
check you know how to report something you feel uncomfortable
about to the chatroom provider or moderator.
(Guidelines taken from Childnet International)
back to top